The incredible genius, Sarah Ramey, wrote The Lady’s Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness and invented the WOMI Scale. A WOMI is a Woman of Mysterious Illness.
See the descriptions below to help you get a better understanding of your body and how to describe it in words that aren’t exclusively car metaphors. Even if the exact symptoms don’t fit you, you’ll feel which is right for you when you read it and feel like you’re finally seen.
The Anachronist Collective is a home for all WOMI’s.
WOMI 1
“This is the most common type of WOMI. She has mild symptoms—maybe one big thing, like asthma. This could be anyone—mom, baby, anyone. She has a few imbalances, eats too much processed food, does not have a wonderful balance of flora in her intestine. She has frequent constipation (or loose bowels), some skin issues, painful periods, and doesn’t hit the ground running in the morning. She forgets her keys and her appointments often. She has to drink coffee to wake up in the morning, wilts in the afternoon, props herself up again with coffee, and then has to sedate herself in the evening with wine.
“She is not Sick, but there are more than a few problems rattling around.”
The Lady’s Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness, pg. 121
WOMI 2
“Here is where the real WOMIs start to separate out from the masses and become aware of themselves as different. A WOMI 2 has a lot of the nagging concerns—all of the symptoms from the WOMI 1 group, but now with terrible PMS, acne on her back and chest, low energy, low sex drive, a lot of yeast infections, and frequent constipation. She doesn’t think of herself as Sick—but she is annoyed all the time with health concerns. Perhaps to the point of having to make an appointment to see any of the many doctors necessary to take care of her multitude of problems: the primary doctor, the gynecologist, the urologist, the gastroenterologist, and the endocrinologist. For each of these symptoms, there is a pill she can take (many of which create new, slightly less bad symptoms)—and if she doesn’t take the pills, the symptoms come right back.
“She too is not exactly sick, but she’s got an awful lot piled in the back of that truck.
“And if she doesn’t tie it down with the pills, the whole lot goes sliding around, tipping over and spilling, making a mess every time she takes a turn too fast.”
WOMI 3
A WOMI 3 is where things start to tip into illness. A WOMI 3 has all the symptoms of a WOMI 1 and a WOMI 2—but she is also noticing significant hair loss in the shower, throbbing wrists, and no desire to do anything physical. She may be in her twenties or thirties, and knows this is not normal. She has also become steadily allergic to a lot of foods. Not an anaphylactic reaction (no hospital visits) but she feels ill and ver sensitive to things like eggs and blueberries and cucumbers and tomatoes and shrimp and especially (she hates to admit this) bread. She loves bread and does not enjoy this realization. She doesn’t want to be one of those gluten-free zealots. But her tummy is bloated and she has started to wear shirts that blouse out around the waist to give her some room, regardless of her weight. She could be on the thin side, but sporting a babyless belly that looks well into the second trimester. If there is a bug going around the office, she gets it. If she has sex, she is going to get a UTI. If she takes antibiotics, she is going to get a yeast infection. On the weekends, the only thing she does is sleep. She has taken up with many alternative healing modalities, with inconsistent results. Her friends are concerned, not in small part because she talks continually about her health.
“Now, not only is the flatbed filling up, but the automobile itself is starting to sputter. There are cracks in the windows, tears in the seats, no windshield wiper fluid, and the Check Engine light is on. She can hear animals starting to fuss in the trailer (where there were none before), but she can’t bring herself to turn around and look.”
WOMI 4
“A WOMI 4 is a woman on the edge. She has fully admitted that she is sick, and she has tried everything—more things than she would like to admit. If she has the means, she has spent thousands, if not tens of thousands, of dollars on therapies and diets and supplements that have not worked. She is skeptical of everything, but cannot help herself from constantly trying something new. She just wants to be better. She wants to be cured. She would do anything. If it’s not a magic pill from the doctor, she’s willing for it to be magical Peruvian maca powder or a magical mini trampoline. She has started to work from home, and sits in an infrared sauna tent at her desk, stationed at her computer, with her arms and legs and head sticking out. She has long since started to lead a double life, and rarely invites people over. She would be mortified if someone found out the full extent of her self-healing mania.
“But she truly has no other options. She has been to the doctors, clinics, healers, and bodyworkers—and everyone says something different. Everyone preaches the Way. She has been driving around in circles with an overfull, extremely precarious, and malfunctioning truck, which no one will fix. Only one headlight works, the heater is broken, and the muffler is dragging loudly on the ground.
“Passersby wonder why she’s still going.
“Some even offer to call roadside assistance.”
WOMI 5
“With a WOMI 5, the wheels are completely off the wagon. She’s parked in the yard, decomposing. She is generally housebound, often bedbound, definitely out of work, and deeply demoralized. The truck still runs, it just doesn’t go anywhere. There are no road maps, no protocols, and no space of understanding. There’s not even a grim prognosis she can organize her life around. Just a slew of invisible symptoms—autonomic dysfunction (the automatic functions of the body, like blood pressure, heart rate, and digestion), loss of orthostatic pressure (the inability to stand up without getting dizzy or fainting), severe but unexplained bowel problems, severe chemical intolerance, severe insomnia, severe weakness, severe aching, severe fatigue—none of which means much to anyone else but all of which have destroyed her life. She is in enormous pain, and it only gets worse every year. She can barely move. She has done every cleanse in the book, every healing diet, and she even owns her own clonic machine. If she did have more energy, she could open an apothecary in her kitchen, selling off the many herbs, teas, and remedies she has acquired along the way.
“But most confoundingly, one thing is very clear about the WOMI 5: Despite everything, she isn’t dying.
“That old saying, ‘this too shall pass,’ no longer seems to apply. Indeed, a central problem for a WOMI 5 is: This actually may not pass.
“And so, because she has no diagnosis, because no one can help her, and no one understands, she retreats for extremely long periods of time into total seclusion.
“WOMI 5’s are the disappeared.”